My book is finally out! TEMPORARY BEAUTY: A Memoir about Panic Disorder and Finding Purpose through Art & Meditation

 

TEMPORARY BEAUTY: A Memoir about Panic Disorder and Finding Purpose through Art & Meditation

I can’t believe the day has finally arrived! My book, Temporary Beauty, is officially available on Amazon. This book has been a long time coming and I’m so ready for the world to read it.

You can watch my YouTube video discussing my book release here!

I honestly can’t believe I got up to the courage to actually share this book. It’s essentially all of my deepest, darkest secrets tied up in a nice little bow. There have been moments where my stomach has dropped, knowing that people might read these stories. But I keep reminding myself that if I’m nervous, then I’m doing something right. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone and testing my limits. I’m living my life to the fullest. When I was growing up and going through the dark moments of my mental health journey, I was constantly searching for books that would validate my thoughts and feelings so I could feel less alone. I loved angsty coming-of age novels and books like It’s Kind of a Funny Story and The Bell Jar. I like to think that I would have loved stumbling across Temporary Beauty during that time. In my more adult years, I fell in love with books like The Collected Schizophrenias, Educated and World of Wonders - creative memoirs and honest accounts of personal struggle. While I’ve never really been the kind of artist to be majorly creatively influenced by the work of others, I do think Temporary Beauty falls somewhere in the vein of these books. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum, which lends to a lot of loneliness and insecurity, but I think has also allowed me a lot of room to grow as an artist. Ultimately though, if I’m able to help even just one person to feel some comaraderie with this book, then it was all worth it. We’re all just searching for community and understanding, especially as we’re navigating difficult times.

Temporary Beauty is a collection of memories, poetic ponderings, travel adventures, journal entries, nightmares, and love stories, following Myles through her picturesque childhood in the Blue Ridge Mountains and on to her adventure-filled twenties as a photographer in the Pacific Northwest, discovering herself as an artist. After her diagnosis of panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder in high school, she spent her college years struggling to find her footing, finding solace in art, meditation, and travel. Temporary Beauty is a reflection of what it means to be a career-driven woman in modern society, an honest and unapologetic account of the darkness that mental illness can bring, and a conscious reminder of the fragility and beauty of human existence.

"And regardless of my mental illness, deep down I do believe that the day will come where I can walk through the woods, alone, and feel not an ounce of sadness or crippling fear. The grass will be filled with neon-green four-leaf clovers, and delicate pink blossoms will hang silently from the perfectly silhouetted fog-lined trees. I will smile to myself about all that I’ve accomplished. I’ll be proud of myself for defeating my unhinged mind. But that would mean that I’d have to have won the ultimate battle. The one between me and my anxiety. The one battle that never seems to end." — From Temporary Beauty

 If this book sounds like something you could relate to, I’d love for you to read it.

 And if you feel inclined, please leave a review on my Amazon page when you finish reading it! It will help others to be able to find my book too! And make sure to follow my author page on Amazon for future releases.

Purchase Temporary Beauty!

Thank you all for your support as I’ve been navigating this journey of becoming an author!

- Myles Katherine

 

Temporary Beauty: A Memoir about Panic Disorder and Finding Purpose through Art and Meditation - Book Release on April 14, 2024!

 

Temporary Beauty:

A Memoir about Panic Disorder and Finding Purpose through Art and Meditation

Book Release on April 14, 2024!

If you follow me on any social media, you know that I’m planning to release my first book soon! I’ve spent the last 4 years working tirelessly to make it absolutely perfect before it’s debut into the world. Temporary Beauty is a memoir about my personal experience with Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, alongside my journey with art and spirituality. While my idea for the book technically began in 2008, it wasn’t until 2020 that I truly sat down and began forming it into a reality. Back in 2008. it was all too fresh and overwhelming - I wasn’t ready to share my experience with the world yet. But during the pandemic, I found myself with time to spare and I knew that if I didn’t sit down and write it then, I never would. I ended up taking an online writing workshop with my friend, Renee (she runs a small business called Write for Joy), and she helped me to structure my days and actually get the words onto the page. By the end of the workshop, I’d written over 160,000 words for my book. However, I quickly learned that it was just too long for the standard book-making industry. I forced myself to scale back, focus on the message and eliminate unnecessary length. The book is now right around 90,000 words and is all the better for it. I’ve learned so much while working on this project. The world of writing is entirely different than anything I’ve ever experienced and I truly respect anyone who has taken the time and energy to full understand the industry. The main takeaway for me was this:

If I wanted full creative control over my book, I’d have to self-publish it.

As a photographer and artist, the idea of someone else telling me what my cover should look like made me crazy. Not to mention, the editing that would go along with it. I wanted my message to be fully mine.

I honestly couldn’t be more proud of myself for how hard I’ve worked on this. I’ve poured every last bit of my heart and soul into it. I’ve never spent this much time or creative energy on a project in my life. Temporary Beauty represents everything about me that I’ve always been too afraid to share. It’s essentially all of my deepest, darkest secrets wrapped up in a nice little bow. I’m extremely nervous about it, if we’re being real! But I know that this book has a much larger message than just me. It’s about the reality of dealing with a mental health disorder. It’s about the expectations of society on women and artists. It’s about finding your own spiritual path. It’s about pushing yourself to your ultimate limit. It’s about being brutally honest, even when it hurts. It’s about family, love and human existence.

I hope that you’ll consider reading it.

I’ll be sure to make a blog post about it once it’s officially available for purchase on April 14th!

See you then.

<3 Myles Katherine

 

Contax 645 Medium Format Film Camera Review with Sample Photos - Pros & Cons - Is it Worth the Price Tag?

 

When I first became obsessed with photography, I noticed that two of my favorite photographers (Wendy Laurel & Parker Fitzgerald) used a Contax 645 Medium Format Film Camera. It became a dream of mine to one day own that camera and create images that were as sharp and stunning as their photographs were. And I’m not the only one out there - this camera has developed quite a reputation for being one of the best medium format film cameras ever created. For years, I collected cheap. affordable film cameras to use alongside my more expensive digital camera. And while I loved my cheap, crappy film cameras (and still do!), I was never able to get that high-quality, professional look that the Contax 645 seemed to offer. I tried the Mamiya 645 for a few years, which I absolutely loved. It was, by far, the best film camera I had ever used and at a much more affordable price than the Contax 645. The images were beautiful. But I still wondered in the back of my mind what it would be like to finally own a Contax 645. I sold my Mamiya 645 and decided it was time to upgrade. I’d been a professional full-time photographer for 7 or 8 years and finally felt that I deserved to own the camera I’d always dreamed of using.

When my Contax 645 arrived in the mail, I couldn’t believe it. I never thought I’d ever own one or that I’d ever allow myself to purchase one. But I convinced myself that I deserved it. I’d worked hard. And not to mention, I could write it off on my taxes! So, now that I’ve owned the Contax 645 for a handful of years now, was it worth the price tag? What are the pros & cons of the camera?

PROS & CONS OF THE CONTAX 645 MEDIUM FORMAT FILM CAMERA

PROS:

1. The Images are Everything I’d Hoped For

This camera is incredible. Sometimes, I can’t even tell them apart from my Canon 5d Mark IV. The photos are incredibly sharp and dynamic. The depth and clarity that I was always looking and hoping for with my crappy film cameras was finally there. The multiple exposures are beautiful, the low-light capabilities are great and I’m never disappointed in my photographs.

2. It’s Incredibly Easy to Use

For such an expensive, niche camera, it is surprisingly easy to use. I’m always on the lookout for cameras with Aperture-Priority - it’s my go-to setting for weddings and photo shoots. It’s essentially a partially automatic setting - you set the aperture you want and the camera does the rest. I prefer to shoot with very wide apertures to get that dreamy, surreal look to my images. When it comes down to it, I set the aperture and then I get to click away! It shouldn’t be so easy to use but it really is! You don’t even need to be a super professional photographer to use this camera. If you have a photographer friend who owns a Contax 645 and you’re interested in trying it out - don’t be afraid to ask and don’t be afraid that it’s going to be super complicated, because I promise, it’s not! There is also shutter-priority as well, which some photographers prefer over aperture-priority.

3. It Has a Multiple Exposure Setting

If you follow my work, you know how important this is to me. These days, I won’t even purchase a camera unless it has a multiple exposure option. Luckily, the Contax 645 has a lever on the side of the camera that you switch on. It stops the film from advancing so that you can take as many photos over top of each other as you’d like. The one thing I don’t like about it is that it can be easy to forget that I flipped the lever and I end up with triple or quadruple exposures before I realize that I need to flip it back. Luckily, the shutter makes a different sound when it’s using the multiple exposure function, so I’ve learned to pay attention to the sound.

4. It is Sturdy and Reliable

I’ve been using my Contax 645 for years with no issues, whatsoever. I take this camera to the beach pretty often too, and it has yet to run into any problems from the humidity or sand. Also, one of the photographers I mentioned earlier, Wendy Laurel, lives in Maui and uses two Contax 645s. She’s constantly around water and sand and still chooses to use the Contax 645 as her main camera. I’ve definitely bumped this camera a few times against doorframes and countertops too, but it hasn’t caused any issues. It feels durable when you’re holding it and you can tell that it was made to last. There’s a reason that people still love this camera and it’s because they’ve continued to last and function, even though they were released in the late 1990s. I will say that I do not use this camera as my main camera, so I don’t run this camera into the ground. I’m not entirely sure how it would fare in that case, but considering many photographers use it as their main camera, it seems they are quite reliable and professional in that regard.

5. The Zeiss Planar 80mm f/2.0 lens is Magical

I opted to go for the classic and highly regarded Contax Carl Zeiss Planar 80mm f/2.0 lens that this camera is known for. It’s incredible for portraits, has beautiful bokeh when using wide apertures and is super sharp when using more narrow apertures. If you’re a portrait photographer, you can’t get much better than this. It’s specifically great for wedding photography, especially if you’re looking for those beautiful, close-up portraits with dreamy background bokeh to amp up your portfolio. I have some wedding clients who specifically request for me to use this camera - typically, clients who know a thing or two about photography. This lens is EVERYTHING. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t consider myself to be a portrait photographer or consider portraits to be one of my strong suits, but this camera makes me feel like the most incredible portrait photographer in the world. I’ve definitely learned a lot from this camera, just because it shows me what portraits SHOULD look like and how important the lens is when it comes to your subject.

PURCHASE A CONTAX CARL ZEISS PLANAR 80MM F/2.0 LENS ON KEH CAMERA

PURCHASE A CONTAX CARL ZEISS PLANAR 80MM F/2.0 LENS ON EBAY

CONS:

1. It is Huge and Heavy

For many photographers who use the Contax 645, it’s their main camera. They don’t lug around 10 other cameras to all of their shoots like I do. Yes, I have a problem! I just enjoy a lot of different cameras because of the unique vibe that each one offers. However, when I do bring the Contax 645 with me, I never regret it. It always ends up taking my favorite photos from the day. It’s just that half of the time, I end up leaving it at home because it’s just SO gigantic and a pain to carry around. Unfortunately, this means that I don’t get as much use out of it as I’d like to. But I’m working on leaving more cameras at home, so that I can bring this one instead. And I haven’t quite made the transition to shooting entirely film. I still rely on my digital camera for taking the majority of my images. One day though, I plan to make the Contax 645 my main camera and use my digital camera as a back up. One day…

2. It’s Expensive

Yes, everyone knows that this camera is NOT cheap. There are much more expensive cameras out there though, for sure. For me, this camera falls right into the tip top of my range of comfort when it comes to spending. I’m definitely not at a place where I’d spend $30,000 on a camera. $3,000-4,000 though, if I know it’s going to benefit my work and my business, that feels more comfortable to me. It remains one of the most expensive purchases I’ve ever made for my business. But I know that I’d never have felt complete without it. It was more of a personal goal for myself, to own and use this camera. I finally felt that I’d made it to the level of my muse photographers. I finally realized that I was just as good as they were. I had accomplished an enormous goal and dream of mine. And that is priceless. Of course, if you aren’t quite ready to shell out thousands of dollars for a Contax 645, the Mamiya 645 is truly an amazing camera too that will get you that medium format look without the hefty price tag.

3. Repairs are also Expensive

While I’ve been lucky enough to not have to repair my Contax 645 yet, I know that it might happen one day. Because the camera is so large and heavy, it’s definitely more prone to drops and bumps. I’m extremely careful with mine though, which is funny because I’m not careful with any of my other cameras. But I want this one to last. I know that Nippon Photoclinic is authorized to repair them, but I also know they are quite expensive. The good news is that the Contax 645 is a very sturdy and reliable cameras in general. Just make sure you’re buying one from a reputable seller and that they have some sort of return or warranty for the first few months while you’re testing it out for issues.


SO, WOULD I BUY IT AGAIN?

Some people may think I’m crazy for owning this camera but it was a huge milestone for me, personally. I would absolutely buy it again. The images are 100% worth it if you’re looking for flawless, incredible medium format photographs. They amaze me every time I get a roll of film back. If you have the funds and it’s a camera you’ve always been dreaming of, you won’t regret it. Just please make sure you’re getting it from a trusted seller.

Also, if you’re thinking about taking the leap, it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. These cameras are only going to get older, more used and more expensive. There are still quite a few out there in great condition, so I’d take advantage of that!

WHERE DO I BUY IT?

I recommend KEH camera first and foremost. They are always great with returns and are extremely knowledgeable whenever I talk to them on the phone about any issues I’ve had with a camera. They buy, sell and trade used camera equipment and are my go-to when it comes to buying used gear. However, they don’t always have the gear you’re looking for just because gear is constantly going in and out. I recommend to keep checking back every week or two. Or as a secondary option, I recommend eBay. I’ve bought a LOT of gear off of eBay over the years. Just make sure to check the sellers reviews and percentage rating on their sales. Lastly, there is always Amazon. However, there aren’t always Contax 645’s available on Amazon just because it is a used camera and there aren’t a whole lot of them out there. But if you’re able to find one on there and trust the seller, go for it! Plus, Amazon returns tend to be pretty straightforward if you’re not happy with your purchase.

CAMERA

PURCHASE A CONTAX 645 ON KEH CAMERA

PURCHASE A CONTAX 645 ON EBAY

PURCHASE A CONTAX 645 ON AMAZON


LENS

PURCHASE A CONTAX CARL ZEISS PLANAR 80MM F/2.0 LENS ON KEH CAMERA

PURCHASE A CONTAX CARL ZEISS PLANAR 80MM F/2.0 LENS ON EBAY

FILM RECOMMENDATIONS

Kodak Portra 160 120 film

Lomography 400 120 film

Kodak Gold 200 120 film

Neopan Across 100 Black & White 120 Film

#CommissionsEarned

I’ve included more of my favorite images I’ve taken over the years with my Contax 645 below. I hope this has helped you in deciding whether the Contax 645 is for you. I love this camera with my whole heart and probably won’t ever sell mine. The photographs are just too beautiful. Writing this blog post has definitely reminded me that I need to use it more often!

I also have a YouTube video about the Contax 645 on my YouTube channel, Cameras & Cats! You can check it out here. :)

If you found this post helpful or if you’d like to see more of my work, I’d love it if you considered signing up for my Patreon! For as little as $1 a month, you’ll get early access to all of my YouTube videos, plus tons of photos that I don’t post anywhere else. Depending on which tier you choose, you could also receive seasonal prints and/or discounts! I always use all of the proceeds towards film & processing. Find out more here!

Feel free to leave any questions, thoughts, comments below. Have a lovely day!

<3 Myles Katherine